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Another entry from the Belonging and Excellence for All (BE4ALL) fall challenge: Bob Bomboy, a sheet metal worker member of SM Local 44 (Northeastern Pennsylvania) shares how he overcame career-change nerves and joined SMART!

“I was a mechanical/architectural draftsman with an associate’s degree in architectural engineering before becoming a sheet metal worker. As a draftsman, the pay scale wasn’t what I wanted, so I started to look for a part-time job on the Internet. I came across a union sketcher opportunity. So, I got in contact with the union organizer. I met up with him, and we discussed the career and all the perks to being a union worker. I told him it would take me a few days to think about it because I was nervous about leaving my career after seven years. But I discussed it with my family and decided to take the opportunity.

“I started my apprenticeship and also started sketching for a local contractor. I was strictly a sketcher for the first couple years of my apprenticeship, using 3D software and 2D software to sketch our projects. I also went to job sites to do 3D scans of point clouds and shoot layouts for hanger points to insert them into our models at the office. When things got slow in the office, I was sent out into the field to install duct work, GRDs and set equipment. I also would work in the shop, fabricating ductwork, to learn more about the craft.

“I finally finished my apprenticeship and became a journeyperson. All of the hard work and training has paid off. It was the best choice that I ever made for my family.”

As part of the Belonging and Excellence for ALL (BE4ALL) Committee’s fall challenge, Anthony LaBeau, an eight-year member out of Local 104 (Northern California) recently shared how his life changed when he joined SMART:

Northern California sheet metal worker Anthony LaBeau

“I was 24, working dead-end restaurant jobs for six years when I first heard about any trade unions. I went home and researched anything I could find about the trades. I narrowed it down to pipe fitters and sheet metal, and my decision was made after I attended a trade fair where I met the sheet metal workers and we made mini tool trays. I was instantly intrigued and had this feeling that I was born to do this. After I went through the application process, I was called into action as a service technician and immediately started work installing and servicing residential equipment in track and custom homes.

“It was a bit of a culture shock coming from a completely different industry, but my union family put me at ease. I had no construction skills, no college education, and not a dollar to my name when I started, but the promise of on-the-job training, raises every six months, benefits, and a great retirement was all I needed to continue on this path. Once I fully learned about everything this trade consists of, I decided to pursue further education and become a building trades sheet metal worker.

“I made a lot of quality friends on the jobs and in the classes I’ve attended in the last eight years and am scheduled to be a journeyperson next month. Since starting in 2015 I’ve been able to support a family of my own and live comfortably while doing it. If I had never attended that workshop or met another sheet metal union member, I may never be where I am today. Building America with the quality craftsmanship that we learn and providing for my wife and two kids brings me the most pride and give me the greatest sense of fulfillment.”

The theme of the 2023 SMART Leadership Conference was “This Is Our Time!” In recognition of this important moment — for both our union and the industry — we invite SMART members to practice the five skills of the BE4ALL (Belonging and Excellence for All) leader.

These core skills help to create welcoming workspaces that foster belonging for all. They are also consistent with the vision and mission of BE4ALL, a joint initiative supported by SMART, SMACNA and the International Training Institute (ITI).

The five practices:

1. Intergroup contact. BE4ALL leaders make intergroup contact a daily practice. Intergroup contact requires that leaders step out of their comfort zone to engage people who are different (or those they perceive to be different). If done on a regular basis, this practice can be life changing. In the book Biased: Uncovering the Hidden Prejudice That Shapes What We See, Think, and Do, author Jennifer Eberhardt, a Stanford social psychologist, notes that “personal connections can override the power exerted by implicit bias.” There are several ways to practice intergroup contact. In the workplace, the strategy may involve regular lunch meetings or check-ins with coworkers in which two people get to know each other beyond job titles and roles. In private life, intergroup contact could take the form of participating in a diverse social club or community association.

2. Micro-affirmations. BE4ALL leaders also practice micro-affirmations. Micro-affirmations are small — but important — ways that we can acknowledge the humanity, dignity and worth of others. They include:

  • Name recognition. Asking a person for their name, and then remembering and repeating their name later, is one of the most powerful ways that we can signal to another person: “I see you.” “You matter.”
  • Life events. Inquiring about important events in people’s lives. These include birthdays, anniversaries and important holidays. You can record the dates in your calendar – then, when an important date arrives, take a moment to acknowledge the person by sending a card, email or text.
  • Feedback and affirmation. Take time to give other people feedback (positive or otherwise). But remember, for feedback to be effective, it needs to be specific and genuine. It’s also important that you have enough of a relationship with the other person that they will be open to receiving what you have to say.

3. Non-biased decision-making. In the Bias and Belonging training sessions conducted by the ITI, instructors offer several tools to assist with non-biased decision-making. These tools include the use of mental scripts. A simple mental script goes like this:

What if I’m wrong, and what’s happening in this situation is not (what I think it is)? But, instead, it’s (something else).

For example, what if the reason why the apprentice has been late three days in a row has nothing to do with a lack of work ethic? Instead, maybe the person is homeless and sleeping in their car.

Mental scripts invite us to pause and challenge our assumptions before making a decision.

4. Courageous conversations. BE4ALL leaders regularly practice courageous conversations. A courageous conversation is an exchange between two people. Usually, the conversation is initiated in one of two situations: a) when we feel that we have been wronged by another person and/or; b) when we have done or said something (real or perceived) to wrong another person.

In a recent article, we laid out the seven “As” of a courageous conversation.

But there are two that are foundational for every leader. They are

  • Anchoring: Preparing yourself — mentally and emotionally — before the conversation. This provides a reserve of energy to tap into for what can be a long and uncomfortable process. Preparation may include listening to music or going for a walk or run.
  • Acknowledging: Share with the person ways that you may have contributed to the problem or tension. To do this, simply say: “I want to acknowledge that, at times, I can be (or I may have done) ______________. And this may have contributed to the problem or tension we have.

The above practice is often referred to as looking in the mirror leadership versus looking out the window (where we blame and point fingers at others).

5. Remembrance and repair – the two “Rs” of history. Finally, the effective leader takes the time to understand the history of diverse groups. In BE4ALL Learning Journey sessions, we often talk about the two “Rs” of history — remembrance and repair. Remembrance is the practice of reflecting on the past, and looking for lessons that we can apply to the future. Repair is the practice of taking action — as individuals or through our organizations — to repair any harm caused by the past, and to ensure that the past does not repeat itself.

One of the easiest ways to practice remembrance is by visiting museums, either in person or virtually. Below are several resources — each with virtual exhibitions, teaching resources and more that can be accessed via each resource’s website — that leaders can use to support their practice work. Do not just “visit” the exhibits once. Instead, make it a ritual.

The exhibits and resources are:

National Museum of the American Indian (NMAI). The NMAI collects and preserves the world’s most expansive collections of Native artifacts and is committed to serving the greater public as an honest and thoughtful conduit to Native cultures — present and past — in all their richness, depth and diversity.

Asian Pacific American Center (APAC). Bringing history, art and culture to you through innovative museum experiences and digital initiatives with the goal of enriching the American story with the voices of Asian Pacific Americans.

LGBTQ+ History. Resources curated by the Smithsonian with LGBTQ+ connections, including archival collections, videos and online exhibits.

National Museum of African American History and Culture (NMAAHC). Devoted exclusively to the documentation of African American life, history and culture.

American Women’s History Museum. Decades in the making, the American Women’s History Museum’s physical location is not yet complete. With a digital-first mission and focus, the online museum amplifies a diversity of women’s voices, highlighting contributions women have made to America’s most defining moments.

Museum of the American Latino. Currently being built to recognize the accomplishments, history and culture of Latino communities.

United States Holocaust Memorial Museum. A living memorial to the Holocaust, the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum inspires citizens and leaders world-wide to confront hatred, prevent genocide and promote human dignity.

The Belonging and Excellence for ALL (BE4ALL) Committee launched its first-ever Toolbox Talk on January 19, 2023 — the initial step in an ongoing effort designed to educate, spread awareness and help strengthen SMART and the unionized sheet metal industry. Toolbox Talk #1, titled “On Being a Good Crewmate,” touted the importance of creating welcoming workplace environments and developing a sense of camaraderie and mentorship on the job.

“Studies have shown that new employees, including apprentices, who receive support and mentorship are twice as likely to complete their training and remain successfully employed,” the Toolbox Talk read. “A positive work environment has been shown to alleviate stress not only on the jobsite but in other areas of life as well. We must support each other!”

The BE4ALL Committee will be distributing Toolbox Talks every other month as part of its ongoing work. Those talks will then be given and discussed at local unions, JATCs and jobsites across the country. The goal, the committee says, is for the Toolbox Talks to reduce bullying, harassment, hazing and discrimination on jobsites, and to promote solidarity among SMART members.

“BE4ALL’s mission is to create a culture of excellence, foster a welcoming work environment for all of our members and retain our skilled workforce,” said SMART General President Joseph Sellers. “Our trade relies on teamwork and the solidarity that comes from having each other’s backs, and we hope that these Toolbox Talks will strengthen the connections between all our brothers and sisters.”

Read the first Toolbox Talk here.

June is an important month for SMART: It marks 18 months since the launch of the Belong­ing and Excellence for All (BE4ALL) effort. This repre­sents a significant milestone for our organization. It underscores our commitment to creating environ­ments where all workers feel seen and heard, and where they know that they belong.

BE4ALL launched in December 2021 with a stated vision: to create a diverse, inclusive and unionized sheet metal industry that is welcoming and fosters belonging for all. Three organi­zations — SMART, SMACNA and ITI — guide the work of the initia­tive. Each is represented on the joint BE4ALL Committee, which includes members appointed by General President Joseph Sellers.

Eighteen months later, we have a lot to report. Here are a few highlights:

BE4ALL 2023 Calendar

BE4ALL launched its first calendar in January 2023. The calendar is a tool for members, employees and colleagues to learn more about the different cultures and faiths that make up our industry. Local unions and employers have been asked to post the calendar in a public space, such as a break room, lunchroom or community meeting area. The hope is that the calendar will spark conversation about the diverse cultures and lived experiences reflected in our industry.

Bathroom Kits

Through the International Training Institute (ITI), BE4ALL has distributed hundreds of bathroom kits to JATCs across the country. The kits are the result of appren­tices pointing out the absence of menstrual products in local training facilities. As General President Sellers stated in a recent letter to JATC co-chairs, trustees and coordina­tors, providing menstrual products “creates a better learning environ­ment” and lessens “potential stress.” In the future, the goal is for the kits to be present across the industry.

Bias and Belonging Training

BE4ALL has rolled out a new training program called Bias and Belonging. The program seeks to raise awareness about ways that implicit bias — stereotypes that we are not aware that we have, and that may lead to unintentional harm — impacts our day-to-day decisions. The training also offers evidence-based tools and strategies for how workers can reduce and interrupt their implicit biases. To date, more than 100 JATC coordinators and instructors have been trained. For 2023, the plan is to expand the training to the broader membership.

Toolbox Talks

The BE4ALL initiative recently launched BE4ALL Toolbox Talks. The first “talk” focused on Being a Good Crewmate and offered concrete tips for how to support coworkers and colleagues. Ideas included teaching people how to use tools and equip­ment properly, as well as checking in on your teammates and their well-being. Upcoming Toolbox Talks will be published every other month.

Learning Journeys

Another key accomplishment has been the BE4ALL Learning Journey program. These are 90-minute virtual workshops aimed at raising awareness about issues and topics important to our industry, including events of historical and cultural importance to our membership. To date, BE4ALL has conducted seven Learning Journey sessions. These sessions have focused on mental health aware­ness, Pride Month, Indigenous Peoples’ Day, Hispanic Heritage Month and Black History Month, just to name a few.

This year, BE4ALL will host its second Juneteenth Learning Journey and will introduce other activities in observance of this important date in history.

What is Juneteenth?

On January 1, 1863, President Abraham Lincoln issued the Emancipation Proclamation, declaring freedom for those who were enslaved. This did not immediately end slavery in the United States, but it did trans­form the Civil War, as every advance of federal troops expanded the range of freedom.

Two years after the Emancipation Proclamation, on June 19, 1865, 2,000 federal troops arrived in Galveston Bay, Texas. The 250,000 enslaved people in the state of Texas began to learn of their freedom – and of the end of the war. The day became known as “Juneteenth” by the newly freed people of Texas, and honors the end of slavery in the United States.

Juneteenth is considered the longest-running holiday for Black Americans. In 2021, President Biden proclaimed June 19th to be a federal holiday. In his 2021 procla­mation, President Biden said: “On Juneteenth, we recommit ourselves to the work of equity, equality, and justice. And we celebrate the centu­ries of struggle, courage, and hope that have brought us to this time of progress and possibility.”

The observance of Juneteenth is not just for Black Americans, but for the entire nation. Renowned historian Henry Louis Gates, Jr. said of Juneteenth: “For a country built upon the love of freedom, any manifestation of the enjoyment of freedom should be celebrated by all our countrymen.”

Celebrations may include:

Attending Juneteenth celebra­tions in your community

  • Learning more about the history of Juneteenth and sharing that history with family and peers
  • Visiting museums and commemorative sites that honor the history of African Americans
  • Hosting or sponsoring guest speakers and/or educational opportunities
  • Supporting Black history organizations and Black-owned businesses

Call To Action: To receive regular BE4ALL text or email updates, text “BE4ALL” to 67336 (message and data rates may apply).

The Belonging and Excellence for All (BE4ALL) Committee launched its second Toolbox Talk on March 16 – part of the committee’s ongoing work to strengthen SMART and the unionized sheet metal industry by making all members feel welcome, on and off the job. Toolbox Talk #2, titled “Effective Communication,” addresses the important steps that can be taken to avoid miscommunication and conflict on the jobsite.  

“In the heat of the moment, sometimes simple miscommunications can lead to angry fireworks, which can create an environment where ultimately, we may regret our behavior,” the Toolbox Talk reads. “At the end of the day, it doesn’t have to be this way. Most of our time, whether at work, school, or home, is spent communicating in some way with others. Drawings, instructions, verbal and nonverbal feedback, body language – there are many ways we interact with others to share our ideas and ultimately, to attempt to arrive at the same place: safely, ahead of schedule and under budget.”

Like the first Toolbox Talk, which was titled “On Being a Good Crewmate,” “Effective Communication” incorporates into BE4ALL’s broader mission to create worksites where all members – regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, beliefs, experience and more – feel that they belong. Not only is this goal part of the core solidarity at the heart of the labor movement; we can only recruit and retain the workers we need in order to grow if we welcome ALL members into our union.

“We work in a trade in which teamwork and trust are absolutely vital – and we can only foster that sense of trust when we communicate with one another,” remarked SMART General President Joseph Sellers. “We hope members can use this Toolbox Talk to build connections and avoid miscommunications in the future.”   

The Toolbox Talk, which has been distributed to local unions, contractors, training centers, members and more, is intended to be read aloud at jobsites, union meetings and other group settings. Members can access all existing Toolbox Talks in the “Resources” section on SMART’s website.

SMART sheet metal locals across the country mobilized for the first-ever Belonging and Excellence for ALL (BE4ALL) toy drive in December 2022, which served the dual purpose of distributing gifts to those in need and spreading the word about our union’s best-kept secret: the benefits of a career in the unionized sheet metal industry.

“One of the initiatives that we decided to get involved in this year was to start a toy drive, or at least partner with our locals and our contractor industry partners that are already involved in toy drives,” said SMART International Organizer and BE4ALL Committee member Josh Garner in an interview with SMART News. “We wanted to provide them with a gift tag that has a QR code on it that takes the recipient of these gifts to a landing page where they can learn about what it is to become a sheet metal worker, they can learn about our trade, they can learn about our industries.”

Watch Garner discuss the BE4ALL toy drive on SMART News

The BE4ALL Committee designed a template for the gift tag, which included the QR code linking to a website designed to appeal to prospective sheet metal workers of all ages. Locals then requested either printed tags or emailed templates to be printed on Avery labels and affixed to gifts. Additionally, locals and contractors were encouraged to collect union-made, construction-themed toys, maintaining a cohesive theme for the event.

Garner explained that, as union members, SMART sheet metal workers are already involved in the community, giving back via their essential labor and through year-round community service. The BE4ALL toy drive offered the opportunity to further those service efforts while providing more information to the general public on what sheet metal workers actually do.

“We have a lot of young parents who may be looking for that opportunity to provide a better life for their families, their children,” he told SMART News. “This gives us an opportunity to bring awareness to our industry, to our trade, and hopefully pay it forward and pass those opportunities on to other individuals as well.”

The principles of solidarity and lifting people up are core to SMART and the labor movement at large. The BE4ALL toy drive embodied those values and demonstrated the fact that all workers benefit when we act to support one another.

“When you’re able to be involved in an initiative like this toy drive and you’re able to give back – there’s not a better feeling, there really isn’t,” Garner added.

The BE4ALL Committee met on November 30 in Chicago, Ill. Facilitator Dushaw Hockett opened the meeting by emphasizing the importance of practicing BE4ALL’s principles of welcoming and belonging. He then invited committee members to overview some of the short-term victories already achieved.

ITI Administrator Mike Harris detailed the committee’s success designing, assembling and distributing menstrual product bathroom kits to every JATC in both our countries. In addition to the kits themselves, sheet metal shop drawings from SMART Director of Special Projects Louise Medina and SM Local 265 (DuPage County, Ill.) will be used to create menstrual product dispensers in JATCs across the U.S. and Canada.

“It’s exciting to see something from inception to actually being delivered,” Harris said. “We’re proud to be a part of it.”

Harris also summarized the ITI’s first “train-the-trainer” course on bias and belonging, which included instructors from 12 JATCs and charged those instructors with teaching the same course to their apprentices within 60 days. The intention, Harris pointed out, is for individual JATCs to eventually continue the bias and belonging trainings with their own members

Along with successful ITI initiatives, SMACNA and SMART produced 10 pieces of member-facing BE4ALL content in 2022, including videos, articles and podcasts, as well as pilot “Learning Journeys” meant to increase knowledge of subjects like Hispanic Heritage Month, Indigenous People’s Day, LGBTQ Pride Month and more.

View coverage of the November 30th BE4ALL meeting in episode four of SMART News.

The November 30th meeting marked the first in-person gathering of the BE4ALL subcommittees, tasked with implementing BE4ALL action items. The five subcommittees — Rapid Response Protocol + Toolbox Talks; Training — Bias and Belonging; Learning Journey + BE4ALL Calendar; Sheet Metal Industry Minority Caucus; and Pedal to the Metal Campaign — each reported on the work completed so far, from developing initial toolbox talks, to designing and distributing a 2023 BE4ALL calendar, which has been sent to JATCs, union halls, SMACNA chapters and contractors. The committees then outlined next steps: expanding Learning Journey offerings, developing SMART and SMACNA minority committees, broadening recruitment efforts to previously underserved areas and communities, and more.

“It’s so important for members to see: ‘People are investing in me, specifically me, to make sure I belong in the workplace,’” Local 36 (St. Louis) apprentice and BE4ALL Committee member Sheena Houston said of BE4ALL’s work going forward.

Importantly, this work is ongoing, both for those on the committee and for all members of SMART, SMACNA and the ITI.

“This is forever work,” Hockett reminded committee members, “and we have to be obsessive about the little things along the way.”

Last year, SMART, SMACNA and the International Training Institute (ITI) launched the Belonging and Excellence 4 All (BE4ALL) campaign. BE4ALL envisions a sheet metal industry where ALL workers and contractors feel seen, heard and welcomed. To achieve this vision, it is not enough to talk about it. We have to build it. To do this, the campaign has adopted a 10-point action plan. An important part of the action plan involves transforming how we relate to one another as workers and team members. Fundamentally, the goal is to help us all to be better human beings to one another. To make this vision a reality, our goal is to get every SMART member to commit to doing the work of individual meetings, relational diversity and intergroup contact.

“Fundamentally, the goal is to help us all to be better human beings to one another. To make this vision a reality, our goal is to get every SMART member to commit to doing the work of individual meetings, relational diversity and intergroup contact.

Research in the area of intergroup contact also supports the work of BE4ALL. Intergroup contact involves a person stepping out of their comfort zone in order to engage people who are different. Jennifer Eberhardt, a Stanford social psychologist and winner of the MacArthur Genius Grant, states that “[p]ersonal connections can override the power exerted by implicit bias.”

SMART General President Joseph Sellers spoke about the importance of this work at the SMART leadership conference in San Francisco last August. In a podcast session recorded with the leadership of SMACNA, he reminded participants that “we’re a craft of mentoring,” and stressed the importance of investing one-on-one time and energy in the emotional and technical growth of other members, particularly those with different lived experiences than our own. He also highlighted the need for us to get to know each other across lines of difference.

Individual Meetings

General President Sellers’ push around this work is supported by both research and practice. Veteran community organizer Michael Gecan makes the case for doing what he calls “individual meetings.” These are short conversations — around 30 minutes or so — in which we take the time to understand another person’s hopes, dreams, fears and why they do what they do. Gecan argues that “when you develop the habit of doing individual meetings, you stop thinking of people as ‘the poor’ or the ‘rich,’ or the ‘establishment’ or even ‘the enemy.’” Ultimately, these meetings allow us to see people beyond stereotypes and recognize them as full human beings, with all the diversity that comes with this.

Intergroup Contact
There are several ways to practice intergroup contact. In the workplace, the strategy may involve regular lunch meetings or check-ins with coworkers in which two people get to know each other beyond job titles and roles. In private life, intergroup contact could take the form of participating in a diverse social club or community association. The type of activity — whether a lunch meeting or community gathering — is less important than its characteristics. According to Professor Linda Tropp, for intergroup contact to be effective, contact between two or more people must have three core characteristics. First, the contact must be ongoing versus a one-shot deal. Second, it must be meaningful and substantive versus transactional. Third, it must be friendly and welcoming, not hostile. Tropp notes that when intergroup contact is practiced effectively, it facilitates several important outcomes, including an increase in psychological investment and a deepening of empathy.

Relational Diversity

In addition to the above research, a more recent study has introduced the practice of “relational diversity.” In a National Public Radio (NPR) article titled “Talking to strangers might make you happier …,” researchers note that the more diversity you add to your social circles, “the happier you are and the higher your well-being.” Bottom line: There are individual, group and workplace benefits to deepening relationships across lines of difference.

But let us be clear. Doing this work does not mean that all conflict will disappear. What it does suggest is that when conflict arises, people are more likely to give each other the benefit of the doubt. And they are more likely to have enough relational tissue with the other person that they can effectively work through conflict. That said, how does one practice individual meetings, relational diversity and intergroup contact?

The following are 12 questions or prompts that can be used in every day, one-on-one and small group situations. Think of them as conversation starters. They are:

1. What brought you into the sheet metal industry or this line of work? What keeps you here?

2. Where is home for you? Or where do you most feel at home? (Home does not have to be a geographic place.)

3. What’s the story behind your name?

4. What are your plans for the weekend? Or what did you do this past weekend?

5. What’s one thing you wanted to do and/or be when you were growing up?

6. What movies/television shows are you watching these days? Or what books are you reading? Are there any you would recommend?

7.What are your goals or resolutions for the new year?

8. Do you celebrate _________ holiday? If yes, how do you celebrate? If no, would you be willing to share why?

9. What music are you listening to these days? What’s the title of your “medicine” song or “motivation” song, that one song that does something to you whenever you hear it? What meaning does the song have for you?

10.If videoconferencing, say: “If you’re willing to share, I would love to know who the people are in the pictures behind you.” Or, “what’s the meaning behind the painting/ object I see on your desk?”

11.Who are the people who shaped and molded you into the person you are today?

12. How are you doing? Or, what’s going on? What’s one new or interesting thing that has happened in your work life or personal life over the past few days/weeks?

Imagine if we can get thousands of people across the sheet metal industry to do the work of individual meetings, relational diversity and intergroup contact, and to do it every day. It would be something never done before. It would be transformative. This is how we practice being better human beings to one another.

BE4ALL is a bold, multi-year effort to transform the sheet metal industry by ensuring our work environments are welcoming to all workers and that we achieve the highest standards of performance and excellence.

To make this vision a reality, BE4ALL has adopted several strategies. In the last issue of the Members’ Journal, we introduced the strategy of micro-affirmations. In this issue, we want to share the seven components of a courageous conversation.

A courageous conversation is an exchange between two people. Usually, the conversation is initiated in one of two situations: a) When we feel that we’ve been wronged by another person; and/or b) When we’ve done or said something (real or perceived) to wrong another person. The seven “A’s” are appropriate for disagreements or tensions around ideas, opinions, beliefs and personalities. They’re not necessarily appropriate in situations involving physical altercations, harassment or discrimination. In these situations, please consult your union representative.

Ultimately, courageous conversations are a tool for resolving interpersonal conflict and/or disagreements in the workplace. But, beyond this, they support us in being better human beings to one another. The following seven components can be practiced in sequence, or you can pick and choose which ones are more appropriate to your situation. They are:

1. ANCHOR

Initiating a courageous conversation is hard. This is especially the case if you feel the other person is wrong OR that you will lose something (i.e., the other person will see you as “weak” or “giving in”). Therefore, it’s important to prepare yourself — mentally and emotionally — before the conversation so that you have energy to draw on for what can be a long and uncomfortable process. Preparation may include listening to music, going for a walk/run, etc.

2. APPRECIATE

Share with the other person at least one thing you genuinely appreciate about them. It can be something they’ve said or done, or it can be some special quality, talent or gift they have.

3. ACKNOWLEDGE

Share with the person ways that you may have contributed to the problem or tension. If this isn’t relevant to your situation, you can skip this step.

4. ACKNOWLEDGE

Share with the person ways something they may have said or done impacted you. Share the feeling of the experience, NOT your evaluation of the experience or the person.

5. ASK

Whether you were the person wronged or you wronged someone else, ASK the other person a few probing questions as a way of approaching them from a place of understanding and curiosity.

6. AFFIRM

After the person shares, paraphrase or summarize what they shared by stating:

“What I think I hear you saying is …”

Affirming DOES NOT mean you agree with the person, it just means you are listening with the intent to understand.

7. AGREE

Both people agree on a new way to move forward (i.e., “let’s agree that, in the future, we’re going to ___________.”) OR ask the person for their ideas and support on how to move the relationship forward.

For more information on the seven A’s or if you have questions, please contact Dushaw Hockett at Dushaw.spaces@gmail.com or 202-360-7787.